Devil Fruit Sirens
by Tk Tony
Summary: AU. The Blues pay host to modern technology: cell phones, computers and Government Tax Agents, but as Sanji and Ace discover, the Grandline is a completely different playing field. Short sections. Originally for OPY100
1. Enter: Strawhats!

**Title: **Enter: Strawhats! **  
Rating: **PG-13  
**Character:** Sanji  
**Genre:** AU **  
Summary:** It's a sign of the times that there's a female on staff at the Baratie, but the times don't stave off the bad luck she brings from being on the ship. The kid with a strawhat is just the beginning. **  
Disclaimer:** This unofficial fanfiction is solely for free entertainment of other fans. **  
**

In a world of seastone bank vaults and _haki_ sensors, airplanes and gasoline-powered ships, GPS and satellite imaging, there is one region where technology fails: The Grand Line. It's the one place the long arm of the World Government has yet to completely grasp. Devil Fruit users and men with overwhelming _haki_ keep it a haven for freedom and dreams. Twenty-two years ago, Gold Roger charged the new age with doing what technology couldn't: find Raftel and Onepiece!

* * *

People from the mainland, what little of it surrounded East Blue in any case, wondered how piracy could possibly continue in "This Day and Age." But to Blackleg Sanji, the answer was easy: technology had yet to beat out nature and if his own two legs could beat the shit out of DF users when the new fangled gadgets couldn't... Well, he didn't think technology would catch up any time soon.

And there was certainly no way technology could ever overshadow nature's most perfect creatio- Debra, the floor manager slash accountant slash woman who kept the BUSINESS aspect of the Baratie afloat whacked him across the back of the head with a menu.(The shitty old man had tried to send her back to the temp agency after the WG's tax audit, but Sanji's argument that they now made a _profit_ outweighed Zeff's superstitions.) While ignoring Sanji's crooning apologies, she then used the menu ("Debra-san is so versatile!") to point to a group of pirates waiting to order.

He was about to complain, for the tenth time this week, that he was not, in fact, a waiter, but the site of the red-headed beauty in the party knocked his protests into the water even faster than Debra's menu. He floated to their table on a cloud of happiness and after properly seeing to the fair flower in the weeds, Sanji gave a grain of his attention to the scum apparently traveling with her.  
"A bit dated, don't you think?" Sanji said, kicking the green lump's three scabbards. The response came immediately, two of the swords drawn and ready to strike.

"You wanna see just how dated these are, shit cook?"

He opened his mouth to respond, but Patty's chunky hand clapped over his mouth.

"Of course not, Sir! He was just joking around! The costumer is king here, afterall!" He emphasized each statement by squeezing down on Sanji's face.

Before Sanji could thoroughly kick the bastard's ass for getting into his fight, Debra flew in and whispered so lovingly in his ear. "Are you retarded? I still haven't convinced the old man to retrofit this place with seastone yet! The stupid rubber brat nearly took out a support beam! This guy can probably sink this shitty boat with one strike and then where will you be?"

Sanji cooed hearts at Debra and the redhead as he danced back to the kitchen to gather the most divine entree he could for the red-haired angel. With such a beauty at his table, even Don Krieg showing his ugly mug with his entire crew wouldn't be able to bring down Sanji's day.


	2. Storming Loguetown

**Title: **Storming Loguetown  
**Character:** Sanji  
**Genre:** AU  
**Summary:** The last haven of modern technology before the magnetic fields of the GL take everything to hell.  
**Disclaimer:**This unofficial fanfiction is solely for free entertainment of other fans.

**Storming Loguetown**

Everyone knew that the Grand Line was an uncivilized nest of heathens living in the stone age without even certain videos to keep men company on the long nights out at sea, so when they reached Loguetown, Sanji knew he had to stock up on more than just food supplies. Not that he watched those certain videos, he was a gentlemen. He didn't even think ungentlemanly thoughts and most assuredly not about the beautiful, wonderful, glorious Nami-san. No, he was stocking up on good tobacco and rolling papers.

While waiting for Nami-san to drain the last of Arlong's credit cards, Sanji lit up and studied the casual technology on the street. Teens carried around stylized, multi-song tone dials while adults received and sent information on some distance snail product Sanji'd never needed. He felt a pang of longing for his electric dishwasher and wondered what other fundamental products he'd be stuck without on his search for All Blue.

Technology or his future lack thereof flew to the back of his mind when Nami-san rushed out and said a storm was coming. It left his brain completely when the shitty swordsman showed up and told him their idiot captain was up on the execution platform.

"Shit! Isn't there security around that thing?" Sanji yelled over the wail of DF user sirens. He and Zoro shoved their way through the shitty crowd and even shittier rain from the storm that was about to lock the Merry in the harbor.

"Knowing his luck, he probably climbed up during the watch change."

"Fuck! That shitty clown guy is going to kill him! Why does the World Government need a shitty platform, anyway? Lethal injection not leave the pirates dead enough for them?" Thunder cracked loud enough that Sanji reeled from it like a physical wave.

In the deaf static that followed, only Luffy's voice could be heard, clear as if from a Vegapunk brand baby snail phone. "Sorry, but I don't think I'll survive this time."

Lightning tore the sky open; heaven wasn't about to accept the apology.


End file.
